My Life As Told By...

what to say

2011-10-26T12:54:00.001+08:00

I rarely use this account to the point I forgot it existed. But that’s going to change.

When I first created an account in Blogger, my aim was to air out my grievances against anything. I would still do that but not as much as I used to. I was 24 when I signed up here. Seven years later, I learned that not all things needed to be shared on the net.

I think I’ve seen myself as a private person online but offline well I don’t talk much.

Things changed and one of them was my actual retirement from the call center industry. I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes which hindered me from working as an instructor and at the same had put an end on my nightly shifts.

I am also taking up my master’s degree on Environmental Conservation Biology at SLU since last year. Despite my air of indifference, I do care about the environment but I’m also realistic enough that changing one’s perception of what sustainable is would not happen overnight. Studying and working at the same time was tiring, which explained why I end up unemployed now.

Yet I’m thankful for it because I was able to move out of my comfort zone at work and learn new things.

In a way I’ve also become conscious of my environment and is dismayed at the lack of caring from my countrymen not to mention the discipline. It’s like Filipinos have selective dyslexia when it comes to reading signs not limited to not throwing garbage, no jaywalking, no U-turn, no peeing on walls, post no bill….you get the idea.

On the bright side we’re slowly becoming aware how dangerous the effects of climate change are. We have yet to learn lessons from 2009, hopefully this 2011 would wake us up. If not, well we DO have a population crisis and as Thomas Malthus said let nature take its course in cutting down the population.

I’ve seen tree planting, collection of plastic bottles and other environment related stuff. I just wonder how long this would be. Filipinos are known to do one thing with vigor then lose interest afterwards aka ningas kugon. While tree planting is good, would that be it? Who would monitor the seedling to make sure they grow? And how many years before they grow into big trees? Most of us may either be dead or old by the time it reaches that size.

We have the intention, we lack the implementation. After all it’s a tough choice: economic development or environmental conservation?

And if all goes down the drain, I hope I’ll be dead by the time that actually happens.

the million dollar question...

2010-10-23T14:40:00.002+08:00

Do you love your girlfriend?

Do you love her despite the fact she was the one who made the first move?

Do you love her despite the fact that you two hardly meet except in some instances?

Do you love her despite the fact that you're still sore from your previous relationship?

Do you love her despite the fact that most of the time you're with me?

Maybe you do. Maybe you don't. At this point I'm past caring now.

an angry letter to God

2010-01-24T12:37:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

I'm so pissed off right now. Why? From the moment I began working at home I felt that my life stopped and the rest of the human race continued on with their lives. I was stuck in a limbo. To make things worse, I'm not earning as much as I used to.

This leads me to think that maybe I should go back working in the BPO industry again. I mean I still sleep until 3am. If I'm going to deprive myself of sleep I might as well be productive.

I'm just mad because I felt that I'm useless. Makes me think why did you ever create me in the first place? So that I could suffer? Or is this my fault? Have I been too impatient?

I mean all I ask is to have a job that pays well and at the same time I enjoy it. Is that too much to ask?

Why can't I just be like anyone else? With a job, a family maybe a car or two. I mean look at my brother, he has 3 kids, a wife and two vehicles, a high earning job and a smart brain.

Look at my older sister, she also has 3 kids, a husband, a stable job at a hospital and works in the US of A. So yeah she has a good life.

And there's another older sister who left home but I'm sure she's happier than I am.

Me? I'm just a stupid, wasted, fat and useless person who has not done anything right for the past twenty nine years of my life. I'm going to be thirty a month from now and so far I haven't gone anywhere at all.

Where's my own path?

You know I really want to chuck this perfect timing business in the trash and just stop caring. Maybe I should be an atheist so at least I won't have to expect something and then be let down or wait in agony. I could at least find success in my own efforts.

But the thing is, I can't. Not because of the looming threat of eternal damnation but it's not in me. Maybe being agnostic, sure.

I'm just wondering when I would know my purpose here. Because I feel it isn't to bum around and play Facebook applications to kill time.

What do you want from me? What do you want me to do?

unexpected

2008-08-15T18:18:00.003+08:00

Wow this is something I was surprised to see. I thought this account is dead, but I managed to log in!

I went over my previous entries and saw what a miserable dipstick I was. Now? I'm an angry dipstick. Anyway, life has a way of interfering in what you want to do and makes you forget what is important.

What had happened to me for the past years since I logged in here? Nothing much, changed jobs, returned to the same company I crassly abandoned (which I will never do again but would need to look for the chance to quit for the second time), got operated on, which would leave me having a small chance of having children in the future, am currently sick with a disorder that screws up the body processes, and would undergo therapy a week from now to reduce the size of the master organ (the thyroid in case you were wondering).

What have I learned? That you learn things the hard way, that fear is stopping you from making a decision and sticking with it, that anger is still there although now much controlled, that I have become sadistic and is more than capable of driving my superiors crazy (at least with my current boss), that I am still naive believing that there would be changes for the better at work (which ended up being stuck in a vicious cycle), that life sucks but it has its beauty, that we need to set a goal for ourselves to grow and we only live once make the most out of it.

As for love well still waiting and looking. The last guy I fell for is sicker than I am and prefers girls 10 years younger than him and the latest was a married guy who is one helluva know-it-all. No wonder there are times I snap his head off. But he's a good man, yet married. That alone is more than enough for me to back off, it was just a shallow feeling anyway and that is a relief.

2008 is a year of realizations for me: I'm a survivor.

2 years later....

2006-12-07T16:15:00.000+08:00

It has been two years since I started to work in a call center. I have experienced all the pains and joy (well more on the pains) working and met some interesting people.

Right now, my heart has been snared by the least possible people who can do so. The problem is he does not love me back...typical story. I'm at a crossroads if I should continue or just leave and start over.

I need a damn closure before the year ends.

Get to know the Philippines

2006-08-14T22:01:00.000+08:00

The Philippines is...

50. Where the most happening places are not where the party is. it's where the gang wars happen, where women strip and where the people overthrow a president.

49. Where even doctors, lawyers and engineers are unemployed.

48. Where everyone has his personal ghost story and superstition

47. Where mountains like Makiling and Banahaw are considered holy places.

46. Where everything can be forged.

45. Where school is considered the second home and the mall considered the third.

44. Where Starbucks coffee is more expensive than gas.

43. Where every street has a basketball court and every town only has one public school.

42. Where all kinds of animals are edible.

41. Where people speak all kinds of languages, and still call it Tagalog and where it is fast
becoming unfashionable to speak English/Spanish.

40. Where students pay more money than they will earn afterwards.

39. Where call-center employees earn more money than teachers and nurses, where doctors
study to become nurses for employment abroad.

38. Where driving 4 kms can take as much as four hours.

37. Where fly overs bring you from the freeway to the side streets.

36. Where the tourist spots are where Filipinos do not (or cannot) go to.

35. Where the personal computer is mainly used for games and Friendster.

34. Where all 13-year-olds are alcoholic. (i resent that!)

33. Where colonial mentality is dishonestly denied!

32. Where 4 a.m. is not even considered bedtime yet.

31. Where people can pay to defy the law.

30. Where everything and everyone is spoofed.

29. Where even the poverty-stricken get to wear Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger (from divisoria)!

28. Where the honking of car horns is a way of life.

27. Where being called a bum is never offensive.

26. Where floodwaters take up more than 90 percent of the streets during the rainy season.

25. Where everyone has a relative abroad who keeps them alive.

24. Where crossing the street involves running for your dear life.

23. Where wearing your national colors makes you baduy.

22. Where billiards is a sport, and darts is a bar game.

21. Where even the poverty-stricken have the latest cell phones. (GSM-galing sa magnanakaw)

20. Where insurance does not work.

19. Where water can only be classified as tap and dirty - clean water is
for sale (35 pesos per gallon).

18. Where the church governs the people (owwss!!!) and where the government makes the people pray for miracles. (Amen to that!)

17. Where University of the Philippines is where all the weird people go. Ateneo is where all the nerds go. La Salle is where all the Chinese go. College of Saint Benilde is where all the stupid Chinese go, and University of Asia and the Pacific is where all the irrelevantly rich
people go.

16. Where fast food is a diet meal.

15. Where traffic signs are merely suggestions, not regulations.

14. Where all the trees in the city are below six feet.

13. Where being held up is normal. It happens to everyone.

12. Where kids dream of becoming pilots, doctors and basketball players.

11. Where rodents are normal house pets.

10. Where the definition of traffic is the "non-movement" of vehicles.

9. Where the fighter planes of the 1940s are used for military engagements, and the new fighter planes are displayed in museums.

8. Where Nora Aunor is an acclaimed actress and Boy Abunda is the best talk show host, where the population knows more their showbiz stars better than their national heroes and past presidents, knows more of showbiz gossips than their national history and current events.

7. Where cigarettes and alcohol are a necessity, and where the lottery is a commodity.

6. Where soap operas tell the realities of life and where the news provides the drama.

5. Where actors make the rules and where politicians provide the entertainment.

4. Where finding a deer on the road will be a phenomenon.

3. Where people can get away with stealing trillions of pesos, but not for a thousand.

2. Where being an hour late is still considered punctual. (Grabe talaga 'to!)

1. Where the squatters have more to complain (even if they do not pay their tax) ---- than those employed and have their tax automatically deducted from their salaries.

0. Where everyone wants to leave the country!

**Both amusing and disturbing. Is this what we are as Filipinos? This is just an email forwarded from a colleague. I just wanted to post it in my blog.

is this English?

2006-07-02T03:30:00.000+08:00

This is another forward email by my co-worker and this just reminds me on why our country is waay behind when it comes to the Englush language. Sure, it's not our first language but at least we couuld try to be decent at it.

At the same time, this also reminded me about the flame wars that had been happening in this site for quite sometime.

The letter is hilarious but disturbing as well. May this be a lesson to all of us.

GANITO KA RIN BA MAG-ENGLISH?

TO WHOEVER GETS TO UNDERSTAND THIS LETTER,CONGRATULATIONS!! haha!

The following is a letter found at a certain bar inManila and has been preserved in its original,unedited form. Enjoy reading and you may try direct translation in Tagalog.

Pls read with feelings...!

********************
October 1996
To Marjie,
I am not surprise or wander why Dennis leave you. Why?What reason you can think about but you're very fatbody. I thought before that Dennis only use me to histoy but sooner and later I'm realize that he reallycan't not beared or stomached to be with you anymorebecause at first, Dennis say he could not stand you'rehabit of making pakialam all his walks [lakad] and always calling to their house what he go home or this or that.

And then he say he get ashame to met iether in schoolor in his family and then asking you to exerciseyou're very very, very fat body. But you hate it.Thoughth your the most preetiest girls he knows about.What do you think you are "Beautiful Girl" of JoseMarie Chan?

Even you are beautiful face (to your think) you do nothave the right to called me whatsoever or elsedifferent name one time or the other for the realpurposed to insults my personality because I'm nevercall you names iether in the front of Dennis or in thebacks of Dennis, but if you start already to callingme different name, I don't have any other choicebut to call you other different name to. Like you area PIG, FAT, OBESSED, OVERWIGHT, AND UGLY SHAPE girl.Shame to you're body that is to a BUDING.You can't not blame Dennis for exchanging you to mebecause I am the more sexier than you when you look tous in the mirror.I'm repeat again that you are like Ike Lozada when sheis a girl.

Love,
The Sexiest Girl of D.M.

P.S. You say that I'm the bad breathe but who is Dennis want to kissed. Me or you? You or me? And the final is me.

crossraods

2006-05-13T19:31:00.000+08:00

Months passed by and while I look at the world much more differently than I did, I felt that something was not right. Something was missing.

This is not like some romantic flick that a guy comes by to complete you. No, it's different. Something IS missing, but what? I've learned the hard way that waiting for more than a year and a half for something to happen is the pits. I've also learned the hard way that longing for someone you can't have is INSANE! So after waiting and longing in vain, I stopped. I said goodbye and severed my ties to anything related to those two men in my life. So now I am currently crushless and not in-love with anyone.

The funny part was, I never felt better in my whole life. I felt free! At first I felt empty but then that changed, I felt a sense of freedom I never felt before. Would that be weird? I doubt it.

Now I am in a part of my life where I needed to choose if I should stay alone or be with someone for the rest of my life. Endless loneliness is terrifying but so is the neverending pain with someone you're stuck with someone who you thought was great but wasn't. The price you pay? Your life.

Committing myself with God is out of the question. Few people (including me) would answer the call to serve God and man, making a vow of chastity, poverty and humility. It's not an easy way and I salute those who chose that path in life.

So I'm choosing between single blessedness and the sacrament of marriage. What a choice. I'll just let God decide for me.

Back to the earlier question: what is missing in my life?

I have yet to find out.

for call center people...please read!

2006-03-29T14:30:00.000+08:00

One of the QA's in the office email blasted this excerpt about an episode in ABS-CBN's the Correspondents. I read it and that further justified my dislike towards the network. The one who forwarded this email is from Ambergirs Solutions, one of the biggest call centers in the country, but she's not the owner of this actual entry.

"Call center"
Mataas na sweldo, magaan na trabaho, no age limit at hindi rin kailangang college graduate. Ang tanging requirement, ganda ng boses at galing sa pagsasalita. 'Ika nga ng iba, "in" ka kapag nasa call center ka. Pero paano kung ang kapalit ng magadnang sweldo at iba't ibang benepisyo, ay ang kanilang kalusugan at kaligtasan?

That is the article at abs-cbsnews.com about their feature in The Correspondents about call centers and their employees.

Sad to say, Gigi Grande and the producers who conceptualized the said episode was not able to capture the truth behind call centers and their employees.

magaan na trabaho -- this is a misconception that a lot of people have about call centers. this is work, serious work and not playtime. as call center agents we are the frontliners of some of the biggest companies around the world. we handle their first line of defense for their businnes, Customer Service. we Filipinos who work in call centers represent these companies to their consumers and we filipinos can spell the success or downfall of these business just on how we deal with their consumers 24/7 and that is not an easy task. the reason why call centers thrive in the philippines is because filipinos have good customer service skills. we are professional workers and we give everything a 100%. i salute all the call center employees who make this feat possible. it means jobs and job security to the filipinos who wanted to work in their own country.

no age limit -- because call centers are equal opportunity employers. they do not set limitations to people's ability to work. it is only here in the philippines where we put an age limit to applications. it really does not matter what age the applicant is as long as they can still deliver quality performance. it is called diversity.

hindi rin kailangang college graduate - for cheap call centers maybe, not for the big ones. we encourage our applicants to finish college first before applying. they may also be assisted through schedule requests if they want to continue studying while still employed.
ang tanging requirement, ganda ng boses at galing sa pagsasalita -- for radio stations yes. not for call center. we are not DJs. we also require high IQ and intelligence in call centers. For example, Wil Ison, the 24 yo manager who was featured in The Correpondents. You did not even applaude him for reaching that position in such a young age. if he was employed in a bank, he will only become a manager if he kissed enough bossess ass or because he is already 50 years old. People like Wil were promoted because they are good employees. Most of the call centers have internal application processes that enables the employees to apply for higher position highliting their performance and capabilities and not who their friends are and whose ass they just wiped.

'Ika nga ng iba, "in" ka kapag nasa call center ka. - this is not a fad. we are working, we pay our taxes, we are productive citizens of this country. we chose to stay and earn here in our own country rather than go abroad and contribute to the brain drain. we earn a lot beacuse we work hard. we are thankful for the good education we were provided by our parents that gave us the competencies we have now. we are working for multinational companies and we get promoted. most of us 21-30 years old and we are managers, supervisors and senior managers.

we may not be doctors or lawyers but at least we are not corrupt. we are productive and we make sure that our families and our future families will not be included with the uneducated, paid rallyists in EDSA, who do not even understand why they are there. we are not a burden to the government, they should even be thankful because it is our tax, the middle class tax, that makes it possible for the Philippines to stay alive.

instead of potraying us as obese, smoking insomiacs....why not thank us? applaude our achievements, be proud that we are very good with what we do that's why investors come in to the philippines. ask the government to provide security to the employees who have different schedules from the normal 9-5 workers? ask them to take care of us and in return we will work harder, show the companies that it is worth investing in the philippines, we will continue to pay our taxes and slowly but surely help our country progress.

Menice Yap
Call Center Supervisor
Pasig City

On a closing note, call center work is not a trend dammit. Imagine yourself sitting in front of you pc for 9-12 hours and deal with different types of people from simply stupid to super irate, threatening not only to cancel their service, but also your life. Although they can't see you, you represent the company and account you work for and that's all they care about. If you're not tough enough, you might burst into tears after every call.

If that's the case then better get a regular 9-5 job which would take 5 years to match the earnings that we have now and another 5-20 years to get promoted.

ABS-CBN is a big network, they have more than enough money and resources to do proper research. If this is their way of making a documentary, they better stick to noontime shows with dancing GRO's and games that are aimed on the exploitation of the poor. They do a better job on that.

Sparky

2006-03-23T19:17:00.000+08:00

He is adorable, exasperating, lively, smart and sweet. He can be sweetheart one minute and then a terror the next. His unpredictability is what keeps us on our toes. A cat with a white body and occasional black spots on his head looking like a slicked back hairstyle parted in the middle. One co-worker remarked on how he looked like Adolf Hitler (good grief, of all people she had to compare with it had to be the Nazi leader!). Plus the spot is also present on his stubbly tail, which made my mother puzzled since she was so used to cats with long and siwshing tails.

He is just an ordinary domestic cat that my father got from one of his tenants. He then declared to us that we need a cat to regulate the mice population at home. We all agreed to his suggestion.

Sparky arrived dirty and scared. His coat is not the glistening white he has now but a dirty white that is almost gray. This was because he always slept under jeepneys (maybe because it's warm) which is always being maintained by the owners and that meant oil grease and motor oil. My father tried shampooing it off but he only made it worse since the cat hid under a coffee table and that was not only dusty but also filled with cobwebs.

He refused to come out of that table for several days. My father tried to pry him out but I said vehemently to leave him alone, that he would eventually get out of his hiding place.

And he did. He took one small step in adjusting himself in our house, but he managed. Within the month he was not only sitting in my lap but also sleeping with me in my room. He is such a sweetie because he has this tendency of leaning his head on my chest (and he still does it until now) while sleeping.

I didn't realize how he affected me until I came to work and realized how more relaxed I was. I still lose my temper on my calls but it's not as much as before where in the end my supervisor also loses his temper on me.

I forgot how it felt having a cat beside you or on your lap, sleeping or just watching the world go by. It's so relaxing, knowing that you are not alone in this world and that you are capable of loving something or someone aside from yourself.

new responsibilities

2006-03-01T05:32:00.000+08:00

Recently I was promoted to a level 2 tech. I am grateful that finally I was noticed after 18 months. Because of this, all my rants sounded so childish and silly. When I was notified by my previous coach, I jumped like crazy and that was not even official (when I say official, it would be emailed throughout the center).

When it did became official, people started to congratulate me, from fellow agents, our former DPS, coach now turned OM, some of my former teammates now QA's and of course my former coaches who one of them gave me a bone crushing hug.

My parents were happy as well and offered a thanksgiving mass in our parish. When I said I'll pay for it, they said they're going to take care of it.

I was both happy and terrified at the same time. Happy because finally I got a promotion, terrified because this new job is not as easy as it looks. We're the last line of defense and the ones who provide support to the whole center. We're more visible and more scrutinized. Rules are much different and a bit stricter. Mentality is: you're not agents anymore, but supervisors and better act like one.

Gambatte to me!

being left behind

2006-01-04T03:25:00.000+08:00

This is the new year and I try not to be angry and I succeeded but I ended up failing at the same time. Why?

The reason you work not only is to earn money and have an inocme but also to grow as a person and an employee. Working at a call center encourages that kind of growth...if you know the right people.

It isn't easy any more to get up and go to work when you feel everything sucks around you.

I don't know what I needed to do but I'll cope eventually, I know I will.

December rolls in

2005-12-05T22:43:00.000+08:00

Now is the last month of the year 2005. And I have become someone who is an in-betweener. I am in between being hopeful and bitter. I am in between a romantic and cynic. I am in between calm and angry. I am in between stable and unstable.

November was a mess. I kept on getting sick, just like last year, which ranges from asthma to mild hypertension to gatrointestinal dysmotility. It is because of this I decided to file my resignation. If I keep on getting sick, I can't work properly.

So I filed my resgination to my new supervisor (yeah we changed coaches since our previous moody left the country and we ended up with a mild-mannered man) and he said NO. It was nice to be wanted but it got annoying eventually because no company has no right to stop their employees from resigning. Dammit, we have the right to resign you know. Be it a good employee or not if one wants to go, the company has to let that employee go.

So we reached a compromise. What happened was that my schedule wouuld be now changed from split shift to a regular shift. Effective? Today. I asked my supervisor three times if my schedule woudl be changed and he said it would. I spoke with the OM last week and said he would do so but when I saw my schedule last week I was livid. It was still on split shift and that is where I was being my pushy self and asked my supervisor three times about my schedule.

Then voila! I got the schedule I wanted. But this evening he told me that I can go in straight today. WHAT THE HELL DOES THAT MEAN?! That tomorrow I'm not going to?! Patayan na lang kaya tayo! Meaning why don't we kill each other already?! This is incosistent, dammit!

After an hour or so, I had a chat with my supervisor again and he said that if I have to be on straight shift permanently I may have to be moved to another team. I asked him if I can stay on his team until the end of this month, he said he'll have to speak to the Operations Manager (OM). I don't mind leaving the team but not right now.

I was asked if I wanted to come back to my old supervisor, I vehemently said no. I know they're best friends, but I have to be honest. I told him that I don't want to fight with him anymore. Nor do I want to go home angry. But then again he is the only person who had helped us so much in our lives at the expense of his health and reputation. Ayoko na mangyari ulit yun. He's done so much already.

But to who will I be assigned to? Most of the coaches I like are either gone or in another cluster. Who knows? I don't want to think about it anymore. Bahala na si Batman.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

2005-10-01T21:58:00.000+08:00

Ok so it's already October which is three months late to make a review about the latest Harry Potter book and to be honest with you, I wouldn't have cared. Except for several things:

1. I loved the book. The first Harry Potter I actually liked!
2. The way the book ended it made me speculate a few things especially about Severus Snape and his intentions.
3. I nearly cried (ok I did cry) while reading the chapter on Dumbledore's funeral. It was so solemn.
4. I've been going to http://mugglenet.com not only because of the updates regarding Goblet of Fire (and the pictures, which are awesome!) but to see what they thing about HBP. This already became a habit that my co-worker wanted to beat the crap out of me...this is of course an exaggeration.

Moving on...

I put on a reservation on HBP since February of 2005 not for me, but for my sister who is the one reading the Harry Potter books. I also wanted to make some of my colleagues who are fans of the book envious since the book itself is very expensive.

By July of this year, I got the book on an amazing discount...saving me almost 50% of the total cost. I was the one who read the book first before my sister and I wasn't able to put the book down until I reminded myself that I have to rest since I was going to work at that time.

The book itself is very good, first time I appreciated the series. Like the rest of the Harry Potter fans, I was shocked that Dumbledore was killed but not as shocked as to who did it. While Snape is not the nicest guy on earth, I didn't expect him to kill Dumbledore in cold blood. I guess he has to if he wants to save his and Draco's ass. There's the Unbreakable Vow to consider. He doesn't kill Dumbledore, he dies along with the entire Malfoy family.

Funny how some people feel sorry for Draco. I do in a way, but was relieved to see that he is capable of human feelings like fear and desperation.

I don't intend to analyze the book but I wanted to give my opinion on it. I've been seeing reading forums about Snape or the HBP and there is clearly a division between the Good Snape and the Bad Snape. Honestly, why would he make the Unbreakable Vow with Narcissa? Well for him to prove to Bellatrix that he is loyal to the Dark Lord, she's not exactly believing him and his reasons for not going back to the Dark Lord ASAP. Did Dumbledore know about this? Maybe. Ol' Dumby wouldn't know that Draco was trying to assassinate him for the entire year in Hogwarts if he had no idea unless he is omnipotent. He might've some information to know such things from someone who is constantly updating him on the happenings in Hogwarts.

Dumbledore's death and Snape's part of it was a shock and to some an outrage. Why him of all people? Was this something done to make Harry learn some sort of twisted lesson? Snape was revealed to be a double agent, for how long? Would the reason why Dumbledore gave Snape his absolute trust when eveyrbody else (like Harry, but that's biased) thinks he's going back to Voldemort when he comes back from the near dead.

Have you noticed a pattern of deaths here since book 4? Most of the ones who get killed off were the people closest to Harry. Ok, so Cedric and him are not exactly good friends, but they helped each other out during the Triwizard Tournament. Sirius of course is his godfather, the closest person he has for a family. Dumbledore was his mentor and confidante. I mean he first lost his godfather then his mentor...I wonder if either Ron or Hermione or worse Ginny would be killed in the 7th book? Maybe Draco...but that would be just wishful thinking.

Who knows? I can't wait for the last book.

first time at rehabilitative medicine

2005-09-19T21:55:00.000+08:00

My shoulders decided to turn against me when they suddenly stiffened and developed a lump the size of Australia. I couldn't take it anymore and told my mother that I am going to have my shoulder fixed.

My mom suggested for me to go to her Physical Therapist, Hya. I did as she said and she even accompanied me to the clinic in one of the biggest laboratories in the city. It was Monday so a lot of people are at her office including an adorable 6 year old girl named Jana. Hya said we can come back after 30 minutes since she had just started treating a woman who had been ran over by an Elf truck.

Annoyed because I had to go to work after 5 hours, I accompanied my mother to the houseware area of the SM Department store to buy a shower curtain since she didn't like the one at home. Whoever heard of a fabric shower curtain?! It turned out to be fun.

When we got back to the clinic, the session began with electrocuting my shoulder...nah just kidding, Hya put some circular stuff on my shoulder that generates electricity to at least relax the muscles on my shoulders. Add hot compress to that and I was burning. Hya told me not to fall asleep on her, but I did. It was so relaxing.

Next was another set of hot compress and a massage so painful I didn't realize I was holding my breath. But it felt good though the pain still lingered.

My mom, meanwhile, was making friends with Janna who was also being treated for her leg problems. She's on rehab since age 1 due to the over stiffness of her muscles and she had 2 surgeries on her leg. Now at age 6 she can move both her legs but has yet to walk on her own. But I got to hand it to the kid, she is tough. Her rehab sessions are very strenous and painful that my mother said she ends up feeling sorry for the kid and telling Hya to at least be gentle with her. But this is rehabilitative medicine, nothing is gentle.

The treatment took an hour and it was spent on chatting with Hya and Janna. My mom was occasionally joining in. Actually my mom and Janna are the ones talking away and they're like grandma and grandchild. I find this little girl cute and adorable.

When it was done I felt more relaxed if a bit hurt in places I never knew existed only shoulders. Hya taught me some stretching exercises as well.

This will not be the last time I'm going to the Physical Therapist. How long I would be going, I do not know. My shoulders would never completely soften but at least it would reduce pain in my body particularly my headaches.

wel, well

2005-09-17T19:57:00.000+08:00

What do you know? The guy cares. Sure he kind of reprimanded me for pulling up other websites. Well, actually he warned me about pulling up other websites while I'm on a call. Then punched my arm lightly like he always does.

Ha!

i'm so sick and tired of my life

2005-09-14T23:20:00.000+08:00

Just as the subject implies, I am sick and tired of my life. If I could commit suicide right now I would, but I can't since I'm too scared inflict pain on myself and this is a mortal sin. But I can talk about death and on how I want to die. I wonder if I would be able to find the peace I needed in death than when I was in life.

Sometimes it is scary to die not waking up and seeing the sunshine, the rain, my family and friends.

I just feel this way because I'm so down right now. Everything sucks.

But death is not an excuse to run away. Besides what would that make me? A weak person and that would be the last thing I want to be called.

I'm just so frustrated right now I want to scream. Am I ready to move up or would I always stay down?! From my family to my friends they told me that God has something in store for me; something better.

Sure.

of cynicism and bitterness

2005-09-06T08:10:00.000+08:00

I am beginning to realize that some things in life are not for me. It seems everyone is moving on nicely with their lives except me. Is this a joke? I wonder. Does God have a better plan for me that I'm too human to realize? I know there is always a bright side to everything but I also want results as well. Hmm, have I become an American?

Scary.

I don't know why I feel like I need to rush things in my life. It's like if I don't experience all of them at the same time, my life would be meaningless. Is it because I'm in my mid-20's? But I've been feeling like this since I turned 18 and that's already 7 years ago. I feel like I need to do everything before I die. Is this weird? Morbid? Rushed?

I'm so young yet I feel so old. Have I been this serious all my life?

Cynicism is something acquired not born. Bitterness is experienced not cultivated.

for irate agents

2005-09-06T07:53:00.000+08:00

This is something my supervisor forwarded to the entire team. In the message, he asked if this was me. I do have a reputation as an irate agent in the team though someone has taken my throne as the most irate agent in the center. But my being irate has helped the team countless times in terms of perfomance.

It is a funny but morbid picture. For those with queasy stomachs don't bother to look at it.

limbo

2005-08-29T23:37:00.000+08:00

I arrived in the office not looking forward to a night's work taking calls. At home, I felt dread at the prospect of coming to work in the first place. I confided one of my friends that for the nth time I wanted to quit my job. But I can't because I have a responsibility to fulfill.

I applied again for a promotion. This time I covered most of the bases and applied for three positions. I wonder if I will be accepted in one of them, let alone all three of them. Would I be lucky if that was the case?

I also wanted to fall in love, who wouldn't right? But I have yet to find a man who will sweep me off my feet...I wish. But I prefer to have both of my feet on the ground when I meet my ideal man (if there is such a man). And I prefer a friend to fall for instead of a complete stranger. What will happen anyway if I end up with a total stranger?

I wonder if it's really true that if you fall for your friend it would be very awkward. I don't know. Never been there. My teammates and coach were practically linking me with almost every guy I know. Well, actually they're just two of them. One I like a lot while the other one is just a coincidence. But it can be both annoying and flattering at the same time.

What am I going to do in this lifetime?

the fascinating world of love and all those crap

2005-08-08T22:14:00.000+08:00

I've read one of my friend's blogs and I was laughing at the same time feeling extremely sorry for her. It is never easy to love someone then lose that person to somebody else in the name of holy matriomony. It would have been nice if that was not the case, but it was. This was something permanent. The vow "'Til death do us part." would apply as permanent.

Thinking about it as I was i the ladies' room, I realized that I was lucky. I am going through the same pain that my friend was but the differences were: one, he doesn't know what I feel towards him or if he does know he doesn't care. Why? Second he is taken. Semi-permanent relationship. Long duration type. Blast!

There was a time I cried myself to sleep because of this man, and I tried to live my life as if he didn't exist but it was never easy.

Then one night I decided to make a resolve to move on with my life without him. Not with him because that would never happen. Besides, as my best friend pointed out so bluntly this afternoon, I did not give my heart, body and soul to him. I never did. I just mourned for my inadequcies as a person and as a woman.

Second resolve is to love myself. Not bordering on selfish love but on a love that empwers me and makes me feel like a person and a woman. I'M A WOMAN, HEAR ME ROAR!

All I have given him is my friendship, which I am not sure if he has accepted it or not. If he does then that's fine, if he doesn't screw him, at least I tried.

I am moving on with out you sweetie!

August...new beginnings

2005-08-02T06:32:00.000+08:00

Hay, it's already August 2005. 8th month of the year. The last month that does not end in -ber. Middle of the rainy season. Dengue fever season. The month names after the emperor Augustus. Whatever.

July ended horribly even if our team is number 1 and we're scared for August to be honest. Surveys are like the bogey man, coming out when you least expect it. We can't afford to fail right now since we've been doing well since May. We have to set an example in the entire company.

First day of August began badly with one of our teammates absent. Why? Fever due to lower back pain. She sent me an SMS in my mobile and I told her to come by even if she is in agony. She said she can't and will not come by tomorrow morning as well since she has to go to a therapist to treat her back.

Of course after telling this to my boss he exploded.

Nothing new there.

Anyhow, that was taken cared of, telling me not to let him do it again. Shoot the messenger already. He already lectured me for being abusive with his kindness. I know that he was being general because his principle was that any one of the team makes a mistake the entire group is affected.

why do I hate rest day overtime

2005-07-30T21:37:00.000+08:00

Once again, the office asked us to do rest day overtime because we are so failing in service level, the company is paying the client thousands of dollars. Our team doesn't want to at all, but well nothing you can do.

But our beloved coach did something that gave us a choice. We can go on OT on a half-day for 4 hours or not. Coach is not forcing us to do OT if we don't want to. He's like my parents who don't force me to do what I don't want unless necessary. I chose to do rest day OT because and no, it's not because of one of my teammates (ok maybe it is one reason), but because I don't want to see the visitors we have at home who're staying in until Sunday.

Now that I am here in the office taking calls I regretted my decision. First, I think I took a risk of failing a survey by coming here on a weekend (and my coach goes into explosive mode when one of his agents fail). Second, our coach suddenly left because he had a stomachache, which left us at a loss if our schedule for next week has been changed or not. We had a bad schedule and most of us (including me) are late risers. Coming to work at 6am is not cute.

So I'm at a loss.

I got to work and everyone seems to be glum. Or at least that's how I feel. I was raving a bit calling the customer an asshole and got reprimanded by one of my teammates who is our oic.

Almost an hour before I leave. I hope this is worth the time I wasted here in the office. I only slept for 2 hours this afternoon and I feel tired. I just feel energetic because I am almost leaving.

what is with people today?!

2005-07-28T23:00:00.000+08:00

Bad moods sure run in the group right now. It all started with a mandatory OT from the office since our service level sucks so badly that we're being fined thousands of dollars already. That's capitalism for you.

We didn't like mandatory OT's but we have no choice. Either we go to work on weekends or get fired. What a life.

Then our coach is in one of his explosive moods. Argh. What's new.

I'm in a bad mood myself because I am being dislocated from my room because of some stranger who is the brother of my mom's cousin or whoever (couldn't care less) and his wife (the bitch) are going to stay over for the next two days. Dammit! Can't they find somewhere else to stay?! Don't they know that our house is only good enough for 4 people?! IDIOTS.

I wish this month is over.

sadness

2005-07-26T11:15:00.000+08:00

Has it ever occured to anyone who's interested why there are some people who are NOT that lucky when it comes to the matters of the heart? For instance, why do some always fall for someone knowing that you can't have him/her? If he/she is not taken, you're not his/her type at all or you're just stuck as friends.

I've had enough. I just want to give it up and live my life as is, without pain, without joy, without love, without meaning....

I don't want to waste my life and my tears on something I know I cannot even attain. But even if that's the case, the same feeling still persists regardless of the pain and the heartbreak that comes along with it.

A deep sense of sadness covers my heart, overwhelming and painful that it leaves me at a loss.

LUST

2005-07-11T20:13:00.000+08:00

¹lust
Pronunciation: 'l&st
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English; akin to Old High German lust pleasure and perhaps to Latin lascivus wanton
1 obsolete a : PLEASURE, DELIGHT b : personal inclination : WISH
2 : usually intense or unbridled sexual desire : LASCIVIOUSNESS
3 a : an intense longing : CRAVING b : ENTHUSIASM, EAGERNESS

This is defined from http://www.webster.com and here's another one from Microsoft Encarta Dictionary Tools:

lust [lust]
n
1. sexual desire: the strong physical desire to have sex with somebody, usually without associated feelings of love or affection

2. eagerness: great eagerness or enthusiasm for something
* the lust for power

[Old English , “pleasure, desire.” Ultimately, from an Indo-European word meaning “to be eager,” which is also the ancestor of English lascivious.]

It is more blunt in the Encarta, but regardless where and how it's defined, lust is lust: an intense sexual craving for someone. Intense. Sexual. Painful. Craving. Scary. Very, very scary.

Especially if the object of your passion is just near you, yet so far. The feeling is so strong that you want to fuck him or be fucked silly. You watch him from afar and wonder how his hands would feel touching your body...wondering how his lips would feel on your own lips...wondering how his tongue would feel caressing your skin...wondering how his body would feel moving against yours...wondering how he would feel inside you...wondering if he would fulfill all your fantasies and give you ecstasy...wondering when after all the passion has been spent if you would still want him to do you until you scream for him to stop and when he stopped you wonder if you still have the yearning to scream for him to start all over...
And you're left with that...wondering. Because you know for a fact that this is not going to happen in real life. You're just in your own dream world with him as the center of your desires. Only in your deepest and darkest delusions would you ever experience sexual gratification. Then when you're done dreaming all you feel is sexual frustration because you know that deep in the recesses of your mind that you can't have him...not in the way you want to.

Intensity

2005-07-05T22:04:00.000+08:00

It never occured to me that intense attraction could lead to intense pain. I mean it's obvious that I am in-love with a previous guy (and still is) but this new guy suddenly caught my attention that I suddenly forgot about him.

Jokes are half-meant right? It was my fault getting carried away by all the jokes I get within the team. It has a manner of worming its way to my heart. It is not helping that he is sweet and has a low booming voice, which are two of my weaknessess in a man. Reiterating, I got carried away.

A colleague of mine said that the reason why we're being teased is because we're both good sports. Him, I'd understand but me? I'm a sore loser or pikon in Filipino. But I just decided to ride along since they're just jokes right?

So how the hell did I ended up taking it seriously?

Has it been possible that I fell for him without knowing it? Gee, I think I just answered my own question. Scrap that.

It hurts real bad when you know that he is within reach but at the same time you know that he's too far. I vented out my hurt by blabbing out to Sparky my cat who just stared at me blankly. He must be wondering if his mistress had gone nuts. It was also the reason why I took my cat to bed with me when I took a nap this afternoon. I need a live version of a stuffed toy to comfort me (and bite me as well to show that my kitty loves me).

I woke up later in the evening feeling better and dressed in my most unusual (bleached denims) which made some notice on it. My coach said that bleached denims are not allowed (of course he was joking). His girlfriend also kidded me about it as well. But on my way to work I was feeling hurt and wondering on how to cope for the next few days with him around all the time.

Earlier and until now I can hear his voice across me and I can see him, which is such a torment believe me. I'm just making myself strong because I know that this is not going to work.

I'm sick and tired of one-sided attraction. It's not cute anymore. Is it too much to ask to have a man who would love me for who and inspite of who I am?! Is it too much to ask?! Is it too much to ask to at least have an intense two-way attraction, something that takes your breath away?!

Maybe if I stopped brooding about it, it would come on its own. As the zen saying goes...if you want something, stop wanting it.

You know, despite of my harsh tongue and cynical nature I am a hopeless romantic, which is quite a contrast if you ask me.

I need to enjoy my life, with or without a man. But I also want to share my life with a man. Does that make sense?

picture cutie

2005-06-23T23:15:00.000+08:00

I found this picture in a tech forum and I liked it so much. Those who are in tech support (even if they're not) would prefectly understand this picture. This is so hilarious.

Something to think about

2005-06-21T20:26:00.000+08:00

I went to McDonald's and bought an upgraded meal with an audio CD. I chose the Best Male since the Best Female and the Best Love has Jessica Simpson and I don't like her. The songs are marvelous and one track caught my attention. It's called "Meant to Live" by Switchfoot.

Why? It just reminded me of what I am undergoing through right now. I'm still a Level 1 agent and not sure what I would do beyond July. "Meant to Live" is something that makes me think about things.

Meant to Live
By: Switchfoot

Fumbling his confidence
And wond’ring why the world has passed him by
Hoping that he’s meant for more than arguments
And failed attempts to fly, fly

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

Dreaming about providence
And whether mice or men have second tries
Maybe we’ve been livin with our eyes half open
Maybe we’re bent and broken, broken

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside
Somewhere we live inside
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
Somewhere we live inside

We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than this world’s got to offer
We want more than the wars of our fathers
And everything inside screams for second life

We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live for so much more
Have we lost ourselves?
We were meant to live
We were meant to live

nutcase

2005-06-02T22:22:00.000+08:00

I must be insane when I applied for PS. But I did apply for that position and was interviewed this morning. I was being my usual wacky self but I hope that they won't think I am a violent (there was a question that they asked on how to deal with another PS who is causing the problem on the team and I answered that I'll just talk to the person since beating him up is not an option to which resulted them to laugh out loud) person.

The interview went well and it was funny most of the time, but I'm not sureif I would make it. My teammates were already teasing me about my new position (supposedly) and said not to say anything too soon. I hate to jinx it I guess.

If I become a PS that's one helluva an achievement in my career. If not, oh well. But I sure hope that I become one, a PS that is.

Who knows?

restoration

2005-06-01T23:24:00.000+08:00

Ok so my coach is back to his usual insane self. Although he was blabbing about being strict and stuff (and he is) he is now back to his usual self. Looks like everything has been cleared out and fixed.

I was on leave when things were cleared out among us. But it was back to almost the way it used to.

Does that make sense?

supervisor-agent relationship: fragile

2005-05-26T22:18:00.000+08:00

We all have our ups and downs in this company, but we have our team and our immediate supervisor to draw strength from, like one would do for a family. This kind of relationship is needed especially in a call center since our team is considered to be our family and our world.

So far we have been enjoying a wonderful relationship with our supervisor, like a friend and brother we never had (or if we do, like we missed). But sometimes, we end up crossing the line between work and personal life.

That is what had just happened yesterday. All because of a misunderstanding. Thanks to an absent-minded teammate and a personal crisis on our coach's part, just exploded. He left us in the middle of the shift and spent the rest of it brooding, I guess. Before he left, he all sent us an IM saying what a bunch of ingrates we are and we have the nerve to talk behind his back.

I was at a loss. I racked my head on what I've done now but I can't think of any. I know I've done some things that made him upset (like remarking carelessly that I wanted to be in another team) but at that time I had no idea what he was referring to.

It feels bad that it had to change this horribly. I wonder if everything would be back the way it used to?

What am I thinking? Of course not!

Ako si M16

2005-05-20T10:21:00.000+08:00

I only saw the video of this once in MYX and it stuck on my head.

"Ako si M-16"
by junior kilat

Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite
Ako si M16 at your service bai
aduna pud ko'y anak, si baby armalite

..:..
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!
Bratatatatatatatatatatatatat!
Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang bang Bang bang bang bang!

Ang akong mga bala, hastang pwerting baratoha
Ayaw lang katingala, kung supplier di magpaila
Ang akong mga bala, hastang pwerting baratoha
Ayaw lang katingala, kung supplier di magpaila

Buy-one take-one kung walay gyera
Presyo times two kung election o kudeta
Buy-one take-one kung walay gyera
Presyo times two kung election o kudeta

Kini si M203, kini sa M203
Ang bala kusgan, kini si M203
Kini si M203, kini sa M203
Ang bala kusgan, kini si M203

Grenade launcher, dugangi lang dyes mil
Grenade launcher, dugangi lang dyes mil
Grenade launcher, dugangi lang dyes mil
Grenade launcher, dugangi lang dyes mil

--Turntable Solo-
--Guitar Solo-

Ako si M16, Ako si M16, Ako si M16, M203, Ako si M16,
Ako si M16, Ako si M16, Ako si M16, M203, Ako si M16,
Ako si M16, Ako si M16, Ako si M16, M203, Ako si M16,
Ako si M16, Ako si M16, Ako si M16, M203, Ako si M16,

Bratatatatatatatatat

power of anger

2005-05-04T20:53:00.000+08:00

I've always been told that I was born angry either by my relatives or my closest friends. I wonder if that is even true since I talk, act and move angrily. Maybe it is.

People think I am angry 24/7 but in reality, I'm not. Maybe I've been so mad for most of my whole life that it comes out naturally. My closest friends were already very much used to my mood swings and surges of rage but people who just met me are well, either scared or they go away or misunderstand me thinking that I'm mad at them, which most of the time I am not.

It is my habit to let out my anger since keeping them is painful, literally and figuratively. In my work, I am known as an irate agent, someone who gets really angry in the phone and has a tendency to pick a fight with a customer. In my former job, irate agents are the best ones. Even in my current job, even if I am an irate agent my perfomance is good if not great. My teammate remarked on that saying: "Irate na 'yan." When I've been consistently getting good scores.

For one thing this feeling has kept me strong for the past 8 years but it is getting tiring and I am not happy anymore. Not to mention that it is not fun to be alone because of snapping peoples' heads off.

I was promised by my coach here at work to be nicer on the phone since I always begin my day by yelling at the PC and cursing. In this case, maybe I'm tired of coming to work where you know that you're being made an ass of but still comes to work because you have to, not because you enjoy going to work.

I don't know what I would be like without my anger. When I think about it, I feel helpless and weak. But myabe I need to rely on my anger. It would kill me one day.

shit happens

2005-05-03T09:13:00.000+08:00

Crab mentality is always there regardless of what culture you're on but this type of behavior is more prevalent in Filipinos and had it refined into a fine art.

This is defined as: if I can't have it, then you can't have it either. Since I'm so green with envy about your life, I'm going to make sure that you're going down...hard.

I think this is the reason why my new coach is going to quit his job. He is a good person and one of the most technologically-gifted people in the office. He never backs down from anything or anyone, maybe that's why he is perceived as arrogant. Maybe he is but if he has what it takes to be arrogant then he should be right?

He fights for his team and that is one thing I never saw with my previous supervisor. He is very strict but fair in his dealings with us. He's our dedicated PS, coach and friend. He's smart in a streetsmart kinda way and will shoulder our failures so that our career won't be affected. He's not that bad really, very blunt but at least he's being honest and does not talk bullshit.

But some people are scared of him and in Machievellian philosophy: when you fear, you hate. That's what happened in his case.

The bad thing is the entire team is involved in his problems. Management never hesitates to put anyone down regardless of who gets stepped on.

I hate for him to leave since he had done so much for us and it's scary if he does. Where do we go from here? Our team had been together since August of 2004 and that would be detroyed because the senior director and the PQA hates his guts.

Karma will come eventually but I wish they would just up and die. Then let them rot in hell.

getting to know me

2005-04-27T20:59:00.000+08:00

01] First name: Maria
[02] Last name : Villacarlos
[03] Chinese name:huh?
[04] Nickname: Rei, Maria, Irate Agent, O Sarcastic One
[05] Gender: F
[06] Age: 25
[07] Birthday: 16th of feb
[08] Height: 5"6
[09] Hair color: Black
[10] Eye color: Brown
[11] Race: Asian
[12] Do you wear glasses/contacts: glasses
[13] Do you have braces: no
[14] Is your hair long or short: long
[15] Where were you born: Baguio City
[16] Current location: office
[17] Zodiac sign: Aquarius
[18] How many languages do u know: 2
[19] Nationality: Filipina
[20] Bad Habits: eating, losing temper as regularly as eating
[21] Piercings you have: 2 in one ear (by accident) and one on the other
[22] Piercings you want: none
[23] Tattoos you have: wala
[24] Tattoos you want: if ever? shoulder
[25] Today's date: 27th of April 2005
[26] The time: 8:31 pm

---SCHOOL LIFE---
[43] Are you still in school: nope
[44] Did you drop out: nope bait ko masyado
[45] Currently in: office
[46] Favorite grade: 85
[47] Least fav grade: 73
[48] Favorite teachers: Professor Praxedes Rosuman
[49] Least fav teacher: a lot especially the ones who blackmail you
[50] Favorite subjects: World History, Evolution, Genetics
[52] Do you buy lunch or bring it: both
[53] Play any sports on the school's team: nope
[54] Do you do any co-curricular activitiy: no
[55] Are you popular: in a good way or a bad way? neither
[56] Favourite dance: boogie
[57] Least fav dance:swing
[58] Favorite memories: anything regarding friends and family
[59] Least fav memories: ones that you'd rather forget
[60] Most humiliating moment: pag natatpilok sa kalye

--FAVOURITES--
[61] Number: 7
[63] Shoes: rubber shoes and sandals
[64] Phrases: Anak ng kalungkutan..
[65] TV shows: CSI: New York, Miami and the original CSI
[66] Sports: BAsketball thanks to slam dunk
[70] Magazine: Cosmopolitan Philippines
[71] Actor: Liam Neeson, Allan Rickman, Hayden Christensen
[72] Actress: Jodie Foster,
[73] Candy: bazooka bubblegum, XO Caramel
[74] Gum:juicy fruit
[75] Scent:fruity scents
[76] Choc Bar: Hershey's Cookies and cream
[77] Ice cream flavour: Ube
[79] Seasons:dry seson pag december na
[80] Holiday: New Year
[81] Brands: hand me downs hehehehe
[85] Types of music: vaires but mostly R&B
[86] Things in your room: radio, bed and table
[88] Radio station:Big FM (Baguio_
[89] TV channel:AXN, History Channel
[90] Food: pasta
[92] Store: depends
[94] Fast food: Chowking
[95] Restaurants: Teriyaki Boy!
[97] Songs: changes every mood
[98] Instrument:piano
[99] Person you love: real one or the illusion?
[100]What do you wanna say most now: I WANT A VACATION!!

inexplicable mood

2005-04-26T20:07:00.000+08:00

I am in a very bad mood right now, torn between lashing out and crying. It began this morning when I am saying a term that I don't know. It's stupid, but well...so I'm very pissed off right now to the extent that I am thinking of requesting to be moved to another team.

Of course that is silly of me not to mention shallow but I already felt this way for quite someitme. They're good people I know but not the type of crowd I'm used to. I can ride along with the racy jokes and biting remarks but people have tolerance level and sometimes that runs out.

I'm too different, I felt that and I guess so do they. They call me morbid when I'm being sarcastic. I'm in an environment that has a black sense of humor? My sister has an even darker sense of humor (due to the risks involved in her job) and my father has the darkest even to the point of making jokes about my sister who was in the hospital due to malaria. But he meant well, he was trying his best to lighten things up because even he too was worried but did not want to join the bunch.

I have an ego the size of Asia, ok maybe that is not even the appropriate term but I am a very proud person. And I hate being made a fool out of.

One of these days I might ask to be moved to another team. But now is not the time. I've been in this team too long to give that up, they're the only people I know and even if I do move to another team that consists of the ones I am closed with, there would be changes. I learned the hard way that you can't go back to the way it used to be with the people you know and loved.

50-50

2005-04-16T00:12:00.000+08:00

I was torn in two places on what I should choose: a new opportunity or a stable but painful situation. I did took that chance but I was left confused. I was asked if I can wait, I said yes. But when I left, I was mad at myself.

Maybe I did need to wait. Who knows? A lot can happen in three months.

contemplations of a woman torn

2005-04-08T20:56:00.000+08:00

For the past weeks I have been thinking a lot and it involves my job most of the time. Mainly because I suddenly became lazy and demoralized or would demotivated be a better term? An opportunity presents itself and I took advantage of it. But that opportunity also involves risk of losing it. Then again, everything we do always involves risk.

Now I am almost there, but I need to think hard on this chance. Real hard.

Pope John Paul II (1920-2005)

2005-04-08T20:28:00.000+08:00

I know this is not the usual my-workplace-sucks blog but I wanted to write something about the late Pope.

I don't know what to say. I mean I'm no CNN commentator or a New York Times journalist, just an ordinary adult Catholic. I saw him in the tv when I was 15. He visited the Philippines for the second time during World Youth Day. It was overwhelming to see him on TV how much more if in person?

I was sad and got caught in the hype when he was dying. He was already sick with Parkinson's disease and he is too weak to even sit up in the Easter Mass. We agreed at home that it was about time that he died because he's too sick. But I admire his fighting spirit as he was dying. He didn't want to go back to the hospital. Maybe he knew that his time has come.

I keep tabs with CNN and BBC World (local networks just suck big time) and when he did die, it was a shock and at the same time it isn't. He's too old and Parkinson's Disease aggravated him further, it's time to go. But it hurts. After all, he is the leader of the Catholic church (all 1 billion of 'em) and has guided us Catholics for the past 26 years of his life.

He is a champion of the poor and the oppressed, granted his views on birth control, abortion, communism, celibacy, women priests and homosexuality is debatable he still managed to unite all peoples of all religions (and all walks of life) in this planet of ours. I mean he is the first pope to visit a mosque, a synagogue and forgave his assassin. Unless all of these are just for a show. If that's the case then he's been playing this charade for 26 years, which I doubt.

Next to Mother Teresa, or rather St. Mother Teresa, the late pope is one of our role models. He is young and energetic and the charisma he possessed is irreplacable. It's going to be tough for the next pope to continue what Karol Wotyla has started. Good luck to him.

But let's also hope that the next pope would be not too traditional. The world is changing and so should the church.

Lenten Season: time to reflect

2005-03-28T23:34:00.000+08:00

Sure I have to work during the first three days during the holy week but luckily for me, my day-off was on Maundy Thursday and Good Friday. My sister and I went to Baguio Cathedral not becuase we want to see the President of the Republic of the Philippines but to go to confession. It is the only church that caters to confession at night. Our parish church does not have confessions on Holy Thursdays.

My sister went there and there was no priest. So we decided to eat dinner at a fast food and stroll a little. When we got back to the church we saw a long line in the confessional booth. The bad thing is, there was only one priest! Anyway, to kill time, my sister and I exchanged stories about which one of us has a morbid sense of humor and about Religion. I'm sure the man behind us was annoyed for us being so noisy in church but was too polite to say so or he just ignored us.

I was able to confess but not my sister and she was so annoyed.

Good Friday was ok. I nearly fell asleep during the seven last words and I have to scracth myself to be awake. But before that we had stations of the cross my mind was thinking of what I have become and where I should be going and what goals to reach. For the past years I never made a definite goal or plans in my life because I never realize them. I planned to be a doctor but ended up in tech support. I planned to be a coach, I wasn't promoted.

But now I guess it's time to start setting goals huh? No wonder I never get anywhere.

Goals in life:

1. Get a job- done that
2. Get promoted- almost there but not quite
3. Get laid- not yet there, but wish was there
4. Get married and have kids- not yet found a man foolish enough to marry me
5. Die- obviously not yet since I'm still alive

Ok, ok, don't take those seriously since I was being sarcastic (again) about my plans in life. I'm still formulating my plans and goals in life along the way.

new coach...awkward situation...resolved

2005-03-22T00:14:00.000+08:00

Recently, our old coach was transferred to another department called ABAY (no, not Ebay we're not a shopping site), which is an area where the newly-deployed trainees would be given a certain time period to adjust on the floor. You know to be ready if they get an idiotic customer or an extremely irate one, which made most of the not-so experienced agents cry or contemplate on resigning. So we got a new coach who had been through with so much hell, I wonder why he hasn't died yet.

Anyway, the new coach is ok and very technical. He is a nice guy (even took us out at Nevada Square for a drink after work) and easygoing, not to mentio giving basta 'wag lang abusuhin. Good right?

NOT! During the time at Nevada Square he told us the reason why he didn't want to be deployed in our team. The first reason would be confidential but the second one I don't mind exposing it. After all, this has something to do with me. It is because his ex-girlfriend is one of my friends since high school. So, it is understandable why this is awkward for both me and the new coach.

His ex might think that having me and him in the same office gives her the privelege to use me as their watchdog. No way! I am not a third party software or router that would connect two people who are obviously NOT meant for each other, whose union could mean disaster.

I told my friend to dump him since he's just screwing around but she refuses to do so. I called her martyr and stupid but she still refuses to leave him.

Stupidity or true love?

Anyway, I spoke to him last night and had a talk about that issue and luckily for us, we manage to fix it. He also felt the same way as I did and hated being hounded. After our talk, he instantly spoke to my friend since he came back a few seconds later, he told me that she was sorry.

Good.

Now I can be his subordinate without feeling awkward.

symptoms of falling in-love

2005-03-02T23:53:00.000+08:00

For once I am not going to write something bad about the office. It gets boring eventually, making me look like a whiner or sounding like one.

Anyway, just like the rest of the Homo sapien I have feelings even if I try my best to deny that. Well, bursts of temper would count as emotions right? But falling in-love? I'm not sure if I feel that. Except lately.

I thought I experienced that feeling since I first met one of my friend's brothers during my freshman year, but it was just a long-term infatuation. I thought I fell for one of my classmates during my senior year in college yet I backed out since he is taken. We became friends though, which is much better.

Now here I am in my mid-20's, battling not to become obese but got past caring about it and feeling something but not sure if that is love or not. I met him from the moment I stepped into the office. The funny thing is, he was he one who introduced himself first and me, the ever charmless woman, just showed him my name tag since people have a tendency to pronounce my name wrong no matter how I try to corretc them (actually I don't bother).

We kinda hit it off and ended up being the husband and wife of a skit we had to present then. Of course I had to tell myself to stop dreaming and get real.

After that first meeting, we get to meet frequently since we are in the same office though not the same classroom. He is a charming, friendly and reliable man even quiet at times but he is so sweet, which is what is so attractive about him. One flaw I noticed is that he has a tendency to leave people when he sees someone he knows or maybe that's just me. At least he is not an asshole, thank goodness.

He is a handsome and tall man, which is great since I am a tall woman myself. Anyway, being called darling and sweetheart by this man has a way of letting my mind work on its own. In Filipino nadadala ako sa emosyon ko. It took so much self-control not to let my feelings get the better of me.

My feelings are on and off when it comes to him since I rarely see him around. We have different schedules and if we do see each other, it was brief. He always passes by our team's stations and just a hi from him is fine.

But first and foremost we are friends. I gave him a CD of Seal for his birthday and got a hug from him. He asked for when my birthday is and after telling him the date, he said he will keep it in mind. Well, my birthday's over and it's already March. But I don't want to be pushy.

Even if I told Ice that I love him, I'm not sure if I DO love him. Gets? Maybe I should acknowledge it. I am a 'fraidy cat when it comes to love even if I am an irate agent extraordiniare.

But with everything else...I leave it to God.

resignation

2005-02-20T22:29:00.000+08:00

Joy just quit this morning. I should feel bad but me, along with the rest of the team (minus coach) were envious that she left ClientLogic. Good job, for her! Even if she is unemployed at least she is free.

Karen, one of our teammates, suggested to write one resgination letter and we sign all of our names on it. I remarked that it would be like signing for a petition. Imagine if one whole team decided to resign and abandon their coach. I find the idea hilarious, but wouldn't it be fun?

I wanted to quit but decided to stay after all, money is money despite the fact that I felt worse than a factory worker. At least they have a rest day.

post birthday

2005-02-19T12:42:00.000+08:00

I just recently turned 25 during wednesday this week. I invited my teammates over at my house and it was fun. Of course since my teammates know what FUN is.

To mark off my 25th year in this lifetime, I had my hair cut since it is getting hot (summer na kaya), very dificult in drying my hair and I am getting tired of my long hair. Hopefully, this would be a new start for me.

I applied for coach and QA. My interview for the coaching position was finished (it was so sudden) and when I came out of the Senior Director's room I wanted to scream. I knew I screwed up big time and I am not expecting to ever become a coach because of that. I hated my answers and I wonder if the Senior Director and Operations manager found me very amusing.

As for the QA position, I plan to take the upcoming interview seriously.

Wish me luck!

Valentine's Day

2005-02-13T08:40:00.000+08:00

By monday people all over the world would celebrate Valentine's Day. A day where we celebrate love. Or for me, a reminder on how alone I am.

FUNG in short...fun group

2005-02-06T22:55:00.000+08:00

I am along with Ruby (a teammate of mine) are one of the members of a fun group in the office. A fun committee was made to liven things up in the center. I wonder if we even deserve to be in that group. Ruby is a quiet woman while I am too serious for words and always angry.

Russel is the coach in that team and this gay fella is one fun guy. Not to mention that he is wacky. But the problem is how to generate fun in the center when most people had already given up that concept? Most of my teammates were bitter and disillusioned about what is happening to them or to all of us. I don't blame 'em. I feel the same way as they do.

I was never involved in anything except my job and my writing. But committees? Forget it. But now I am. And for a serious person like I am this is a challenge for me.

Hope to have fun!

promotion

2005-02-06T22:46:00.000+08:00

Just for kicks I decided to apply as a coach in training. I'm almost 7 months in the company (yay) and I thought to myself why not I mean it wouldn't hurt to try right? Besides I have my previous call center job as part of my qualification.

I already submitted my resume and internal job application form along with my coach's recommendation letter. Aside from me there were 4 more of my teammates who applied for the same position though the 4th one also planned to apply for a trainer.

Office politics is so hard to overcome (especially if sex is involved) and I wonder if I would be promoted without going through this bullshit. Oh well who knew?

But as they say in Japanese: gambatte yo!

HONESTY RULES!

2005-01-30T05:48:00.000+08:00

For once I am going to write something positive about my life.

I lost my passbook as I was on my way to the bank. I was panicking and crying because my life's savings are in that passbook and I needed to withdraw a certain amount of money because I had to go to my OB-Gyne for a follow-up check-up and I might spend some mooney not only for the consultation fee, but also for the ultrasound (P550.00 at AMDC) and in case the same problem came up, medications. My cat Sparky, aproached me and stayed by my side but before you say how sweet he is, he left since he knows that he won't get any attention from a crying human female.

When my parents arrived, I told them what happened. I called the bank (at their suggestion) and told them to close the account and create a new one. So I rushed to the bank and had my passbook replaced with a new one. I went to the doctor and was informed by the receptionist that the doctor would arrive later in the afternoon and so would the sonologist (which arrived at 2:30p.m.). So I went home again.

As I was waiting for a jeepney or a taxi to arrive, a man in a blue jacket and jeans approached me. He is thin and has a moustache. He asked me if I was the one who has a bank passbook missing. I said yes and it turns out that he was the one who found the passbook. Good thing I asked the storekeeper at one of stores on the road (because the owner knows our family). The owner must have known this man so he told him that the passbook was mine. I ran back and claimed the passbook. The man said that even if there is money he would still return it. I am grateful but skeptical at what he said. But I thanked him for finding my passbook, though it won't be used since I already replaced it.

So there, honesty is the best policy and I got good karma.

certificates

2005-01-30T00:23:00.000+08:00

I recevied three certificates of acheivement just this recently. It shows that I am doing a great job in the company. Hell, I even shook hands with one of the top officers from the acocunt itself. He is a handsome man and an American (what doy ou expect?). He sure draws a lot of attention from the ladies and gays (except me). But I got to admit, his hands are soft.

I just wish that I could eat those certificates or convert that to money. Though I did receive some money from him, but you'd think P800.00 cash pirze for having three 100% surveys would be enough. Some get 5 and got almost a P1,000.00 or more. Maybe I should work harder.

My seatmate, Imee, reeived a CSAT Idol certificate (I got two of these myself) and said that it is an insult to get one. Sarcastically speaking you get an indirect message saying: "Good job, girl, thank you for sacrificing your time, health, family and sanity." Which is what I have been doing for the past six months. Let's enumerate the sicknesses I had: asthma, hyperacidity (kasi nalilipasan ng gutom), eardrum infection, vertigo, migraine, sinusitis, allergies...though I had some of these sicknesses before I began working I didn't expect these to be occuring that frequently. Now my pillbox (not the bomb) is filled with painkillers (choose ibuprofen or mefenamic acid), chewable antacids (peppermint flavor) and vitamin C tablets from my brother in the US which smells like Tang orange juice.

How much more if I am married with kids? I don't want my son or daughter clinging to my leg when I tried to leave the house or telling me not to go to work, though that would be sweet of the kid. But either single or married, it is difficult to work in a call center.

Certificate of Achievement...I need more than that. Maybe a vacation?

down, down, down

2005-01-19T11:32:00.000+08:00

I thought no one would notice. But Jibbs did and I really appreciate it. When all of your closest friends are in Manila and you're not sure if you get along with your teammates, it's not easy to confide to someone esepcially with someone like me who is constantly wary of people.

So anyway, Jibbs and I were eating lunch or breakfast and we were discussing the open forum with the team. Then she said that I look like someone who has the world on my shoulders. Even when I am being my usual irate agent I didn't look so miserable.

I told her some of my problems and she said that I would have to attend the open forum. I could do that except my stomach's rebelling against me and I am not sure. I wanted to quit but somethig is holding me back. Aside from regrets, I also have to think of my family. My tax code says Single but Head of the Family and I plan to become one (but in reality my sister IS the head of the family hahahaha).

If a job is making one miserable or if it's killing you, leave. This is an advice I got from both my mother and my cousin. I am already miserable (and angry) but I still stay.

Who knows?

open forum in the team

2005-01-19T08:05:00.000+08:00

Jibbs (known as Joy in real life) sent me an SMS that they sppoke to our coach and raised some issues in the office. Coach said to come by at their house, have a free lunch and talk things out y'know have an open forum for the umpteenth time.

To be honest I have a lot to say with what is happening in this motherfucking office, with the management and my coach. But then what? Would there be changes on the office after we voice out our grievances?

Marj, another teammate of mine, and I had a chat in the service van (thanks to Mr. Patrick Dicang) on our way to work where it's supposed to be our day-off (new policy: we have a 5 hour mandatory rest day OT since we are so @!#$& understaffed). And found out the real reason why our schedules were resumed to the Blue Pumpkin. We enjoyed 2 weeks of block schedule because the site director (who is an asshole American) was on a leave. He came back and found out what had happened. He got angry and resumed it back to the blasted software.

So the crap that we are understaffed is not exactly false. We ARE understaffed. The rate of the resigning agents are much bigger than the rate of agents being hired.

Open forum. Again.

I replied to Jibbs's SMS and it goes like this: "Talaga lang. Sige punta ako." This shows that I'm in the borderline of being hopeful and being cynical.

Now here I am in the office taking calls and I have the next 2 1/4 hours to endure idiotic customers on the phone and also decide if I should go to the forum/lunch with the team. We only have one day-off and I am going to the bank to make my usual salary deposit. Plus I wanted to stay at home and rest, maybe do some laundry (I have a reall big load of laundry that rivals the Smokey Mountain..I am waiting for the new washing machine actually...heheheheh).

You want an honest opinion? I don't believe that voicing out our concerns would bear fruit. We just rant, rant, rant, but nothing happened. Going to DOLE would be the last resort but we need concrete evidence that we are being oppressed. Damn government!

Or just quit my job and go to a company that REALLY takes care of you.

for 2005

2005-01-18T07:49:00.000+08:00

Something to look forward to in year 2005:

1. I turn 25 by next month, so I have five more years to look for a husband. Hahaha. I plan to get married at the age of 30 if in this age I haven't found a husband I will not get married at all. What's the point right? And there's single adoption.

2. I have just been regularized in Client Logic last week (January 12). Hah, like that's a big deal.

3. I might go to the States in case my sister (the one with the drooling baby) finds an empoloyer for me. Keep all of our fingers crossed! Who cares if I'm going to babysit a kid or be a housekeeper? I earn in dollars, stress, DOLLARS, how much is our forex huh?

4. Being promoted in work or not. Unless I sleep with one of the operations here, I'll be stuck as a level 1 technician FOREVER.

4. So far, that's it. Unless I put here getting a boyfriend as one of the things I look forward to this year. Now, that's a laugh.

ta-MOD

2005-01-16T03:08:00.000+08:00

We have a team that monitors the queueing of calls, attendance and among other things and they're called MOD or Manager on Duty. They're the most despised and hated team in the entire center. Why?

Here are the reasons:
1. They ring our AVAYA's to make sure that we are not in aux whatever or just bumming around. Even when we have calls they still ring us. What rude bunch of people as in!

So di na namin kasalanan kung bakit pasaway kami minsan.

2. They make the lousiest of schedules and no thanks to that stupid Blue Pumpkin software the schedules are waayy screwed up! My schedule for the next week left my head spinning. I mean I don't have any problems going to work at midnight and at 11pm but on Saturday I would end up having a double punch schedule. I verified this with my coach and his girlfriend who is one of the MOD's because it looks like I won't get any day-off. What happened next made me want to run for my life. They were already fighting in front of me.

Hell, my whole schedule is so screwed up I wanted to quit my job (and I couldn't care less if coach plans to promote me to mentor...NOT! Who am I kidding!)

3. They're powertripping. They're worse than the operations managers and coaches combined.

4. If you call in for absence they would ask you if you could still go to work. What if you're dying of meningococcemia, can you still make it to work? Of course not because after 24 hours you're dead! To be honest death would be the most valid excuse MOD would accept if you called in for an absence.

5. They would ask you to do OT and if you don't they threatened to fire you. At least with one of my teammates but they're in good terms already, but what if this happened again and was not able to be in good terms? Enemy for life.

6. They will ask you to auto in while looming over your shoulder. That's fine but when they ask you to escalate the call because you've been on the phone for more than 25 minutes already...while this is fine, it can be annoying and I'll stress this: I HATE TO BE INTERRUPTED. I tend to get focused on a call and I don't want anyone looming behind me and telling me to escalate the call because I lose focus. Well, if I can resolve the issue but either the computer or the customer is too slow and the issue was resolved after 30 minutes because of that. That ain't my problem anymore.

7. They have no sympathy. We're practically starving to death and they don't allow us to take our breaks! So if we collapse in the middle of a call don't blame us.

8. I just plain hate them.

Ok that last one was spiteful but I am beginning to hate them. But not all of them are a bunch of bitches and assholes. I have a friend who is an MOD and I usually approach him (or her since he's gay) to ask about schedule and before we used to have lunch together. And the other one is a sorority sis of my sister but we hardly talk.

We make fun of them just to take the frustration out and we call them TA-MOD which is a twisted version of the word tamad or lazy in Filipino because this is how we see them.

One of these days, those sons of bitches would pay. Dearly.

boredom kills

2005-01-16T02:13:00.000+08:00

Is it me or is the time here at work is slower than usual? My shift started at 12 midnight and it's only 2 am. I am currently on my first 30 minute break (thank goodness we have a quite long avail) eating ham sandwich in whole wheat bread. Hopefully I would take my other two breaks.

Now I just came back from lunch and it's already 6:05am Philippine time. I have four more hours before I get out of this office. It should be three more hours but I have a one hour mandatory OT stress on MANDATORY, and it ticks me off. On the bright side I'll be able to go to church and buy a Yellow Cab pizza for the family (I want Sbarro though) or for my sister (the one who had just malaria). But it would be really bright by the time I leave here and it would be HOT!

I am currently troubleshooting a customer who had just installed her modem. Oh well, this job has its perks and downs. And mostly there are more downs than perks. I want to be treated like a human being not a machine!

Still had the dilemma if I have to quit or not. I wanted to but I have no choice. Maybe I need to learn some valuable lessons here: patience and endurace for example. Both of these traits I lack. I easily get angry, impatient and frustrated. I want things to go MY way or else. Isn't that a crime? Everyone wants to have their own way right? And please if someone here disagrees with me, I'll call him/her hypocrite. I was expecting that my current job is better than the previous one but it isn't, it's much worse.

And real worse since we are undestaffed (the rate of employees resigning is greater than the rate of employees of being hired). So our schedule is so fucked up that I wonder if I'll still be alive by the time next week is over. Then there's the split shift by February and I don't want to begin there. But at least we have a ride when we get off the office at 12 midnight.

Good luck to me. May St. Barachiel watch over me while I punch the monitor. Y'know if my computer monitor has a face it would be badly bruised by now.

Oh well, this is what I get when I'm bored.

high-strung

2005-01-14T23:52:00.000+08:00

I have reached my limit yesterday morning. While troubleshooting a no USB light, I ended up crying in frustration in the middle of the call. Oh it was not the customer I was mad at, in fact Ms. Janice Dixon is such a patient woman I feel like I would troubleshoot for her forever. But with everything that has happening to me. I have as I've said before, reached my limit.

I have become high-strung and extremely emotional. Even good calls don't make me feel better anymore. Is this the time to quit?

My mother said that if I wanted to do, it's ok with her. Heck, she wanted me to quit in the first place! I would love to really, but where would I go? It is not easy to look for a job these days especially since March is fast approaching. Ang hirap kaya makikompitensya sa mga bagong gradweyts. And I can't wait forever for my other sister to find me an employer in the US. What do I do?

I must be nuts to stay here as in this company. But what choice do I have? Unless I go back Manila and apply to other call centers there and I promised myself not to go back there unless I have to. Looks like I have to.

Manila may be a corrupt and sinful city but it is also a city filled with life.

Or maybe I should find a job that is NOT related to a call center job.

Or maybe I should get a life.

TRAPPED

2005-01-14T05:10:00.000+08:00

Once again Client Logic has decided to make my life (and I guess the rest of my officemates) miserable. Forced to do one hour post-shift OT on the 16th (I chose the day) because we have visitors. Ka-plastikan na naman ito. We did the same thing at SVI Connect but we are allowed to get away with a few things. Coach approached me and said that there should be no food not anything else in the station. Even bags are not allowed. Well how the hell am I suppose to eat when I am hungry and in the middle of a call?!

I am beginning to lose my patience in this $#!%@ company and I might end up resigning before July of 2005. I keep on praying to God to help me endure this mess I am in. Please let me endure, as I keep on praying at night or in the morning. But I am losing it and to make things worse it is affecting my work.

I lose control, I lose my temper that at times I am snapping at my customers, coach and my co-workers. Either I need a one month vacation or a permanent leave.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

of all the days to work....

2005-01-10T03:30:00.000+08:00

I am beginning to run out of patience in this company. Where do you see a 10-minute short break and a 30 minute lunch?! And who cares about the !@$&ng queue? We deserve a break not to be immersed into calls taking care of idiotic American cuistomers. Then what the hell and there is a 30 minute mandatory overtime?! With the history of unpaid overtimes it is no wonder no one wanted to take overtime and it would have to be forced down on our throats.

If I didn't need the money I would've quit a long time ago. But I do. Yet it does not mean that I'm going to subject myself to abuse just to earn money. I can bear anything but I'm no saint. I can't stand martyrdom but I am becoming one. Is this a lesson I have to learn in my life?

What this company is doing is already what you call an abuse to basic human rights you know the right to take a 15 minute break (NOT 10 minutes), the right to choose NOT to do overtime by force or have payroll disputes every 15th of the month, have a reasonable schedule, a sane management team and a company that takes care of you, a human being, not a robot. If they needed a robot they would have not hired us.

Coach said that we should be grateful that we have jobs and a call center one. I am grateful yes but I don't owe Client Logic Philippines anything.

Not even my life.

voluntary blackmail among other things

2005-01-08T20:48:00.000+08:00

For the past few days this week, my coach sent me a YM saying that if we, the whole team, would want to volunteer for the split shit, er, shift schedule for the entire month. If our team does not volunteer, our schedule will be left in the hands of a software called Blue Pumpkin. This software is the worst investment the office made and it is responsible for screwing up our body clock.

And coach said this is a voluntary thing. Do I smell blackmail here? I sent a reply to coach saying so and he agreed. If the split shift is implemented, I would quit my job, but I didn't tell him that. I tried split shift before just for the heck of it and regeretted it instantly. It is more time-consuming, expensive and impractical. Ayoko ngang tumira sa opisina. I lasted for a week. The good thing about this is that I'm not as sleepy as I usually am.

What is with this company anyway? Who the %@#! do they think they are to control us employees?! Do they think that we have no other life outside the office? Of course we do and we work hard but not to the extent of starving ourselves to death. No wonder many are resigning.

I feel like crap right now. My officemates noticed that I'm too serious today and a little quiet. On my way here to the office I was thinking if I should quit or not. There is no problem with my job to be honest even if the customers are stupider than the Dumb and Dumber pair. The pay is fine and I'm not much into the money part (though an increase in salary would be great). The main problem is the management who thinks they're God and that they're infallible.

Policies are very unreasonable and there are times that we end up being starved to death because of large volume of calls. "You're doing a great job guys, but you can't take your lunch yet because we have 150 calls waiting." Bullshit.

By next week I am about to regularized and coach has showed me my scores and even if I have a bad temper they're quite good since he wants me and the rest of my teammates to be regularized. Good for us.

Konting tiis muna siguro.

pissed off 'till kingdom come

2005-01-07T00:33:00.000+08:00

I am so irate right now. The first call I got was so annoying I was already formulating curses in my head. I was asking her about the operating system in her computer (that is just simple enough there are, so far, two kinds of operating system:windows and macintosh or Apple) and she doesn't know what the question was!

Actually this day was already ruined because of a family crisis at home. Or a family crisis to be which is centered on my sister who had just recovered from malaria. My parents had changed since my other sister from the US came and visited us. My father has become a big-time jerk and my mom has become paranoid about health to the extent of being a hypochondriac.

My sister and my mom are at odds because of her job. Mom has always been against my sister's job from the start she's not just saying anything except now after she got malaria. My mom wants her to quit her job and my sister does not want to. My dad's opinion is let her be, that's her choice so if she gets herself killed along the way why would he care?

So spent most of the day in my room thinking that one of these days I will run away from home. I'll do anything to escape even enter a loveless marriage. But marriage is not an escape route, it's just another way to imprison myself further.

I don't know, one of these days our house will be filled with shouts and harsh words.

verbal warning

2005-01-02T05:37:00.000+08:00

I got a verbal warning for exceeding my first 15 minute break. Yes, yes finally I got my freaking break.

Even yesterday I exceeded my first 15. I am hungry and I eat slow, I know I shouldn't have eaten rice that early but based on experience I get less hungry if I eat on my first break.

I think subconsciously I am getting myself fired.

New Year and oppression

2005-01-02T03:05:00.000+08:00

What a way to start a new year. I am soooooooooooo pissed off.

It's already 3:11 in the morning and I haven't taken my first 15 minute break. Damn qeue! Why are there so many idiotic Americans calling on New Year's Day (though it's January 2 here in the Philippines)?! I mean they had nothing to do with what I am feeling right now.

I already sent several YM's to my coach asking for me to take my 1st 15 minute break. But either nauunahan ako ng mga kasamahan ko or I am in the middle of a long call. I am already in my nth call (I know that would be less than 10 calls but I couldn't give a flying fuck about it) and I wanted to cry and eat my computer. I am frustrated, hungry, and angry and they're expecting me to be enthusiastic?! Papatayin naman kami ng putang inang kumpanyang ito sa gutom eh.

Why am I not surprised many are resigning?

Then I heard a rumor that there would be an anti-resignation campaing being spread around the office. Putsa naman pati ba naman ang karapatan mong mag-resign eh ipagkakait nila. Magpatayan na lang kaya kami?!

One of these days I will end up collapsing from exhaustion. And I know this is morbid of me pero sana I would collapse from exhaustion and stress where everyone can see it.

Then what?

New Year

2004-12-31T22:58:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year to everyone!

Now that's got off my chest here's what I have to say about 2004, it is such a turbulent year or at least to the last part of this year. Not only to the country but to my personal life as well.

I had just quit my job in Manila and had gotten home, adjusting to the fact that I am unemployed. I was in my 2nd month studying caregiver and so far I like the feeling of studying again. I even thought the idea of leaving the country is appealing. So most of the year was spent on studying.

I saw an ad in the local paper about a call center job. Actually, my sister showed it to me and I thought that they are looking for people in Baguio to work for their call center in Manila. But I was wrong, it turns out that they are opening a call center in Baguio. I decided to apply even if I was still studying then. I did and what happened was they put me on active file. That left me really depressed, realizing that I regretted quitting my previous job.

By July 2004 after finishing my competency exam in caregiving, I got a call from that particular call center asking me if I wanted to drop by and take an exam by Monday. After dropping by at the EPZA admin building (the building wasn't completed then), the exam was fine and so was the final interview. By Friday we were already signing our contracts.

So my life as a Technical Support began. The training was fun at first but after that it was real hard work. I contemplated quitting my job a lot of times and I still do because of the way they treat their employees. I know we need money but this is ridiculous.

So I will welcome 2005 answering calls from idiotic customers since we are queing.

What a life.

miscommunication my ass

2004-12-26T23:35:00.000+08:00

For some strange reason the holiday season is not that bad. I had fun with my nieces and renewed my bonds with my friends on the phone (I was only going to be in Manila for a few days and meeting them is not that practical). I developed an attachment to my baby niece named Mary Elizabeth. She is so adorable (especially if she sleeps) even if she is crying she is so cute, and even if she drools she is so wonderful. Funny thing is she shuts up when I carry her. Must be because I look like her mother, who is also my sister.

But this is not about what I did during the holidays but what had happened that ruined my Christmas. I just woke up real late and was not able to go to the early morning mass. That was fine, but while there was chaos in the house, my father handed me my celphone and said that it is my coach/supervisor on the other line.

At first I was happy to hear from him since I thought that the reason he called was to wish me happy holidays. It wasn't. Though he greeted me Merry Christmas and all that, the real reason why he called is because he is asking me to go to work at midnight on the 26th or today. Ok, fine that would be ok but at the same time I would have to report to work at 11 pm on the same time. Double shift my dear. And I just got out from one last week. We already worked for nine straight days so that we'll be able to have a break on Christmas.

But another double schedule on the 26th?! No way! What happened was a miscommunication between agents and our coach. Out of 15 agents 7 of us were absent. I was in Manila for crying out loud! Going home on a Christmas day is possible but difficult since all bus stations are filled with people and all trips are fully-booked.

When I got back home this afternoon and got to work tonight the entire team received a lecture from our coach. Sure he is not mad at the ones who were gone last night but he sure is disappointed in us. He sounded like my mother yapping away about sacrificing his family for us achoo-choo-choo and all that bullshit.

Family comes first, not my job. I didn't want to come to a point that I would have to choose between my family and my job. That's bad.

I have nothing against my coach and I appreciate his concern and the way he cares for our team but what happened afterwards was outrageous.

As punishment, he gave us a 2-day rest day OT leaving us without any restday.

After that I was already thinking on when to resign after he sent me a YM (Yahoo Messenger) saying that I have to work for seven days. Patayan kaya kami. Then later on he sent me another YM saying that he changed his mind and decided to let me and six other agents work one rest day OT by the 28th.

Despite of that, I lost my trust and confidence towards my coach and it just made me angrier.

Miscommunication my ass.

really, really, pissed off

2004-12-21T22:22:00.000+08:00

I am soooooo mad right now. What reason? I just heard my coach saying that we have to render one hour OT. I hate people forcing me to do something that I don't want to do. Overtime is one of them. I mean I will render OT when I want to (which is never) so don't force me.

I used to go for OT, heck I volunteered for a 6-hour OT (that is 12noon to 6pm) and the fun thing about it is that I never got any calls because in the US that's early morning or in Filipino madaling araw. And for that one time I felt normal going to work when the sun is up ang going home when the evening comes.

Unfortunately, when payday came my supposed 6 hours OT has become 3.5 hours, where did the 2.5 hours went? It was fixed eventually but I got traumatized after that. I avoided OT's whenever I can.

But they keep on coming. Sometimes it pays off (my coach makes it a point to do so) but the dread of doing OT is still there.

Yesterday I turned down an OT request from one of the managers on duty. He was pleading already but I said no in a firm and edged voice. Thank goodness he gave up.

OT is a way for one to get promoted but being forced to do one is unreasonable.

In my former job whenever there is a request for OT it is the operations who are turning down agents who want to do overtime because we are too many. In my current job WE are the ones who are turning the management down for overtime.

They better fix their accounting or the resignation rate would go up, up and away!

holiday ramblings...

2004-12-20T03:36:00.000+08:00

How many days before Christmas? Almost 4 days right?

As a child I love Christmas and always look forward to it. The decorations at our house may be old but who cares, they're beautiful to me. Then there's the cold air and Baguio has plenty of those chilly breezes that turn my cheeks to a bright red color. There are also the gifts that I can't wait to open on Christmas day and the money I received from my relatives and to my relatives' relatives.

But the best part is...the fact that you have your family and friends around you. The sense of togetherness is there and strong. It makes things more fun. I remember my brother before he was married and the way he goofs around and mother's cousin who makes people laugh with his lively stories about his boyhood or family anecdotes. Even if everyone is sleepy from the night before, there is a certain vitality in the air especially from the children dropping by the house in Malabon to visit our aunts who are their godmothers.

That was then. This is now. I hate Christmas.

Why?

I just got older, that's why.

I don't know how it began but suddenly Christmas is not much of a big deal anymore. Hell, I much prefer New Year. It's much more sacred and the anticipation of the new year is more exciting than waiting for Santa Claus.

People say that the essence of Christmas is the commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Sure that's true though December 25 is a pagan holiday which is the day of the sun. Jesus was born sometime August not December. But hey, it's all Constatine's fault.

The togetherness is gone. My brother who is married and has two daughters left the country 6 years ago and his wife and kids joined him afterwards. It is bleak in Malabon and for me, the children visiting the house is now annoying instead of fun. I spend Christmas day lying on a papag and sleeping. My sister does the same thing.

Hmm, have you ever noticed how our country is going from bad to bad to worse to worse? It climaxed only this December. After the typhoon Yoyong, which left so many people dead, homeless and debating on the total log ban, FPJ died though this is not a big deal to me...hello he's no Mother Theresa or Princess Diana. He's just an action star turned politician (or almost became one), then former House Speaker Jose de Venecia's youngest daughter died on a fire cause by overheating of the Christmas lights in their house. Why is it the I have this feeling that this is karma on his part?

Anyway, we are going out of context here. This is supposed to be a personal issue not the country's.

But I still go to Manila with my family on Chritsmas just like any other routine in my life like waking up from bed, going to the bathroom and going to work.

There was once where I spent Christmas in Baguio and I was alone. And I hate it. This new year I will end up doing the same thing since I am at my blasted job. Customer service...yarghh!

I wonder if I would always be lonely during holidays?

to resign or not to resign

2004-12-16T03:47:00.000+08:00

Working in a call center is tough and draining physically, mentally, psychologically and emotionally. But somehow I survived.

How much longer would I stay on?

For the past five months I am contemplating if I should stay on with my current job or just stuff a resgination letter in my coach's throat, nah, I'd rather chuck it in the MOD's throat. In Filipino, mabigat na dugo ko sa kanila. They have done three things to me that left me very angry at them.

Why? First, they called me up on my celphone asking if I could report to work at 2 am. That would be fine except that it's my day-off at the same time I was in Manila with a friend. Even if I am at home I wouldn't go to work on my day-off even if their lives depend on it. This is unreasonable already.

Second, I had asthma and called in to report my absence. After that they asked: "Can you report to work?" What the #@%$ is wrong with these people?! The reason why I called in because I CAN'T report to work then they have to ask such a stupid question?! This happened to me twice and I nearly wanted to quit because of that.

The third one was worse, my sister was hospitalized because we had no idea what she was sick of (later we found out it was malaria) and I decided not to go to work because I was at the hospital since 1 in the afternoon and hasn't gotten any sleep (if I did it was only for 4 hrs) plus I don't think I'm in the condition to work with my emotions churning inside me. Hello, my sister was sick for a week and we were taking turns on keeping an eye on her. Plus, there was a typhoon in the country.

So I called and said I am not coming to work. What happened instead was they picked me up from the hospital. Good thing we didn't get ourselves killed along the way.

Now here I am feeling like a martyr and contemplating if I should stay or should I go. One reason I can't leave is the fact that I have nowhere to go after I quit. Jobs are hard to find these days lalo na kung nasa Pilipinas ka or maybe anywhere in the world. The other reasons would be obvious: no money to spend on myself and give to my family, debts would be unpaid (like my sister's), no work and I won't be able to see my crush...ok this is really shallow.

The real reason why I don't want to leave is because I might end up regretting it afterwards. I did with my previous job and I lasted for almost a year (almost 10 months). Wala pang six months in my new job and I am going to leave again. I feel like I don't have a permanent timeframe in one job. Be it three months, ten months, six months...I don't last for a year.

Call centers have very unusual schedules especially customer service-oriented call centers but what my company's scheduling is outrageous! Weekly changes on the schedule is not cute! The schedules I don't mind (just don't give me a 4am-1pm schedule) but the number of times they are changing their schedule is unreasonable not to mention unstable. One thing I can say about my company I am working for is:$@#& you! And don't they dare use the excuse that this is a call center. Bullshit. I know what a call center is because I used to work with one and they don't give this kind of schedule. Maybe it's because it's an outbound center that deals with sales for small businesses so the schedule there is much more stable.

But the hell with that, my question is still unanswered.

Should I stay or should I go?

management sucks, but you get rewarded...inconsistencies here!!!

2004-11-18T03:35:00.000+08:00

I am working as a technical support representative in a call center here in the Philippines. You can see that on my profile. Anyway, the company I am working for is not that new in Manila but very much a baby here in Baguio. It was a great opportunity to work in a call center located in the northern part of the Philippines. Why? There's no place like home. You work at a job you are adept of (I have call center experience) and at your hometown. You don't have to go to Manila and look for a job and while the pay there is great, so are the expenses. You won't even feel that you are earning P18,000/month.

So here I am working 9 hours a day, 5 days a week troubleshooting online issues from American customers who are too stupid or too lazy to fix their own problems. It is easier for them to call up tech support and curse at them blaming their ISP for their problems that are as simple as not knowing their password to having one of the cables from the modem unplugged.

This job is kind of different and requires more to be more professional than my former job (where you only sell online yellow pages and pick a fight with the customer whenever you feel like it...ahhh, the freedoms of outbound calls). Plus, it requires you to use your brain, which is a relief to know. A little technical knowledge wouldn't hurt either. If you have loads of tech knowledge then you are a tech geek, a PS (product specialist not play station), or an owner of a computer shop (like kuya Alvin Tandoc, aka Baby Buckner). Basically, this is a much more difficult job because troubleshooting connectivity issues requires knowledge, skills and a very. very long patience.

I am an irate agent even in my former job I have the tendency to yell at the customer on the other. How I still survive in this job is beyond me.

The company I am working for is much better than the former job I have. But like any other company we have problems. First the management doesn't know how to take care of us mere employees. One instance is their system of scheduling is so unstable that I feel disoriented on what day of the month it is. You see our schedule is being changed every week which should not be the case since this would destroy your body clock. Damn can't they see that?

Second ever since I started working I heard nothing except payroll disputes. Even if this was fixed there are still disputes all around. Most of my co-workers resigned because of this, my best bud Ice resigned because of her 25 hour overtime that was not reflected on her payslip (paycheck for Westerners) and had a row with one of the supervisors here implying that she is lying about her overtime pay...what a bitch to be honest.

So she left and I thought I might as well join her. Because of this, we had the most outrageous adventure in our lives when we went to Manila and did some job hunting. She managed to be accepted in a very nice call center in Ortigas and I ended up with uncertainty. When I got back home, they called me one by one.

Result? The first one sent me an email with the usual crap of while your qualifications are good blah....blah...blah...but there are people much more qualified than you are. The second one, I turned down their final interview since it is soooo late in the evening (who ever heard of a 10pm interview?! And in Makati of all places!). When the same company called me here in Baguio I told them that I am back home and the guy (some idiot HR personnel I'm sure) said thank you and let the phone go. The third which I ended waiting for the entire night was a waste of time and effort (not to mention of sleep) because in the end I wasn't accepted. The fourth one well, almost but not quite since this company and the one back home are at odds with each other since they have the same program or client from the US. There goes my chances of working in Manila once again.

But when I got back, I decided to stay. You might think ARE YA NUTS?! But I did. Not only because there is no place like home but also because in some weird reason I still believe that someday things would change for the company.

In a way it did since I suddenly find myself a recipient of some sum of money (not that big of an amount but money nevertheless) because of a very good survey from several customers and had recently got a 2-day grandslam for customer satisfaction, which I got a lollipop I guess. Gee, I am avoiding sweets since we have diabetes in the family. Food rewards come and while we're grateful for being fed, money is much better.

Rewards? Candies and cookies. Why don't they add a glass of milk as well? Too bad there is no fireplace in the office for Santa Claus to drop by.

But the company is relatively young (at least here in Baguio) but that is not an excuse to mess with their employees. They do that, they lose people. People who are not leaving the company stayed because either they have no choice or because it is not easy to find work these days since Philippines has very high unemployment rate. So there goes the enjoyment of the job.

If you're not happy with your job quit already or it will kill you one day.

Told you this is inconsistent.

fanfictions, flames and mary sues

2004-11-03T10:41:00.000+08:00

I am an avid reader of fanfictions and I never fail to go to fanfiction.net everytime I am in front of a computer (like right now, I am at work and looking at that particular website while troubleshooting connectivity issues). Anyway, I recently came across a particular author who had nothing else to do except flame other authors.

It seems that she hates Mary Sues. To define this a Mary Sue is a character who is totally perfect, no flaws or anything that would mar her personality. She is someone who can do anything and is unstoppable. She is the object of every man's fantasy and lust as well. If there's anyone who can elaborate or correct me further on this definition that would be great.

Fanfictions are fictions or works written by fans of anime, cartoons, tv series, books (gee, I wonder why you have to write fanfictions based on books, this I will never be able to figure out...ok, we are getting out of the subject here). Anyway, this is one good way of expressing oneself even if the charcters are not exactly original but this is one of the ways to exercise one's creativity and eventually evolve to write real-life stories.

Anyway, going back to that author she flames writers who does not meet her standards of what a good fanfiction should be. She did write her own work and honestly I find it funny and her style is sarcastic and mocking. I was laughing while I read it, heck I tried not to laugh out loud since I was at awork. But it was really funny in a mean way.

I am not here to flame her back or defend the authors she had just flamed but to state that both of them has a point. The author is right that there are some writers whose works are plain lousy and I would love to flame them to death for their plain stupidity in writing stories. Some don't even have plot and the content is horrible. These people would need to either expand their horizons or read further.

But these authors are quite young where most of them are only high school students. The oldest writers I have met so far are on their junior year in college and I am sure that adult writers are even more difficult to find (at least in anime fanfiction anyway). So it means that generally speaking, these writers are still immature and have no idea how the world works outside their home and classrooms. They need improvement definitely though it should be done in a constructive way not in a way that would offend them.

If that doesn't work, well they better get a hint. Or take a hike. Whatever.

I'm not much into correcting grammatical errors since I have grammar problems as well. But what I am after is the story content, plot and beauty.

As I was reading the flames and counterflames on the review area the first thing that came into my mind was: whoa, this is supposed to be the review section not a forum. If they want to flame each other please do it somewhere else. I understand that they are defending that particular flamed writer, but review sections are used to point out the improvements an author has to make not turn it to a free for all flame forum. Good thing that author has a blog here in blogger.com, she strikes back really nicely. Spiteful, but nice.

As I continued reading the review sections of ff.net, I thought to myself that I maybe, just maybe I could be a mediator for these guys. Like the ones at forums who can remove the topic and keep an eye on their members. Obviously that doesn't work here in the fanfiction community.

Nevertheless, the cycle of flames and counterflames will continue and I will be there reading and observing from afar.

love, love, love, sex, sex, sex...puh-leeze!

2004-09-02T03:21:00.000+08:00

Love has been a topic as far as I can remember. I wonder why people never get bored talking about it because honestly, I am getting sick of it. It just ticks me off whenever I hear a love song or when talk revolves to the joys of loving someone. I hate to say this but I've never been in-love with anyone in my entire life and I wonder if I'll stay that way. Oh I meet people and feel an attraction to them but that would be either a heavy infatuation, short-term crushes or quick lust. Love? Never been there yet so I don't understand what it's like.

*sigh*

Then you add sex along with it, which makes things worse. So ok, everybody's doing it these days, big deal. Does it mean I have to join the circus as well? Do I have to do it with my boyfriend just to show that I love him? To those who do, fine that's their choice.

For the first question: that would depend of course if I'm crazy enough to do so. But I'm not.

For the second question: NO @#%$NG WAY! THAT WOULD HAPPEN WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!

You know what, I feel like giving up for the chance to love. If it means spending the rest of my life ALONE, then that's fine. I made that choice and I will stick to it even if the idea of being alone is scary.

Then again fate would always go against me. I don't mind. I just want them to prove me wrong that I don't have to be alone in this planet.

PROVE ME WRONG THAT SOMEONE LIKE ME WILL BE ABLE TO LOVE AND BE LOVED IN RETURN! PROVE ME WRONG THAT I WON'T HAVE TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE ALONE!

of rages and tempers

2004-08-08T23:41:00.000+08:00

Controlling anger is one of the most difficult things I experience in my life. Especially if the type of anger is something that makes your heart beat faster than usual making your chest constrict with pain. Then later on, you feel like destroying everything in sight.

Today is one of those days where my rage surfaced. It hurts still despite my friends distracting me, making me laugh. It was really trivial, but most of our anger comes from little things.

My temper is something like of an H-bomb, it explodes rapidly and ends just as rapidly. But the damage is done, it's too late to take it back. Because of this, I hurt so many people.

I have a long way to go to manage my anger. A very, very long way......

ooohhh....

2004-08-06T00:24:00.000+08:00

I am so ticked off and nervous today. We're doing some mock calls and honestly, it's driving me crazy! Shift's almost over and I still didn't get to have my turn (makes me wonder if that's a good thing or not).

Oh well, tomorrow's another day and let's see what happens. But man, am I nervous!

This job is a sign of staring over again and I hate to ruin it by making mistakes. Though I'd rather make mistakes now than do it by next week at least by then if I ever screw things up on the floor, it'll be minimal.

Good luck to all of us or in Japanese...Gambatte, minna!

almost done

2004-07-31T23:47:00.000+08:00

One month of intensive training is over and honestly I'm pretty scared. I may manage to get good scores in my exams but I wonder if I'll be able to put to use what I learned. And when I manage to do that, I wonder how long would I last in my job.

It's a neverending process actually.

But I want to stop wondering and being scared even if a little fear is good for the soul. It makes me feel paralyzed.

of tardiness and panic

2004-07-30T15:56:00.000+08:00

Remind me not to have a long talk with my best bud on the phone before you leave work. I'm almost late because of that, though it was fun talking to her since it's been a while since we chatted and I kinda miss her.

But if it means panicking over if you're late or not...maybe i should choose when to call her up.

new life

2004-07-29T19:17:00.000+08:00

Starting over is never easy and it's what i always do since last year. But this time, I know I'm doing it for real. I have a new job, new set of co-workers, new challenges and hopefully a new love life?! Hahahaha!

So here's to my new life!